the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
