no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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