So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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