I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
