If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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