I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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