In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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