Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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