Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
