did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
50% drunk capacity currently
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
