Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
