I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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