my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
