thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
