I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Randomize
