Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
