You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
