I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
