Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
