The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
