How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
