I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
