she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
