remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
