Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
