I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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