Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
