it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
