I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
