from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
this will be a night to untag.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
