and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
