I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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