you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
