Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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