i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
