my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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