Fine. I'll sleep in my office
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
