Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
