I think my vagina is haunted
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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