After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Floor bacon is actually really good
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