My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
