my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
