Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
