There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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