The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
