Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
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