Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
