The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
