would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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