Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
