Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
