wakey wakey hands off snakey
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
