i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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