are you still at the devil's house?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
